Click here to to see the great mans thought on the state of the town.

See Swindon Centric for the original story.

“Re-branding of the Neo-Nazi movement over the last sixty five years has not been easy”, explains the leader of the Neo-Nazi group, the Aryan Race Socialists. “After the failure of the National Front and the imminent collapse of the BNP, we have spent several million pounds with Saatchi and Saatchi launching the ARS movement. We are still very much in the process of the launch and being associated with a dis-functional council administration in a rotten borough is not helpful. Protection of our brand is paramount and therefore it is our intention to serve an injunction on TalkSwindon followed by a writ for defamation against our Fuhrer.”

With the imminent threat of mass unemployment and a crippling double dip recession it is believed that the ARS movement launch may capitalise on a small window of opportunity to take control of failing councils in the most disaffected regions.

“If we can gain control of these target councils then it will not be long before you see a fluid ARS movement into the corridors of Whitehall.”

There is fear that an outlawed break-a-way dissident Neo-Nazi group known as the Aryan Race Socialist Bandits may take the law into their own hands. A Swindon police spokesman has assured the public that “if we catch any of the ARS Bandits we will ‘av ‘em in the pokey sharpish.”

This is the second time in as many months that TalkSwindon have courted controversy after the infamous Windbrook Mill School incident. TalkSwindon were unavailable for comment.

In a bid to avert the adverse publicity that may follow the nationwide abolishment of the much loved ASBO, Swindon Council announce today the creation of the VASBO (Volunteer Anti Social Behaviour Officers) under the One Swindon Volunteer Program. The first VASBO brigade, Penhill Chapter, became operational as of today with the promise that other brigades will become operational soon.

Penhill Brigade in Redhouse

In a press conference at the senate, Leader McBluthy said, ” Due to the excessive purchasing of Jaguars by the previous government we have been left in the unenviable position of not being able to fund enough community police officers to patrol the streets. This would render ASBOs useless as they would no longer be enforceable. The VASBO program is an example of where the One Swindon Volunteers can fill the breach. And we have not had a shortage of volunteers applying for this role.”

VASBO Commander in Chief, Dickie Bunt, stated “This will be the first of many VASBO forces around the country and it is our intention to franchise this model to other councils. Officers will have the authority to stop, search and impose punitive on-the-spot fines and punishment beatings.”

It is believed that the Officers will be allowed to pocket half of the proceeds of the fines whilst the other half goes to the senate.

“We have studied closely the methods of similar groups in New York and Northern Ireland” explained Cllr Greengrarse. “We are confident that our application of this type of service will stand up to scrutiny, indeed if anyone was foolish enough to attend a scrutiny meeting to object .”

Kitted out in the Council orange livery, Mr ‘T’ Boy; an assumed name, a senior member of the Penhill brigade said that he did not need to be asked twice about volunteering. Whilst on patrol in Abbey Meads he said. ” When one has a cattle prod in one hand and mace in the other, one feels empowered.”

It give us great pleasure to announce that this years “Bumpkin Journalist of the Year” will be awarded to Swindon Link for its outstanding contribution to investigative journalism. Following in the hallowed footsteps of Ed Murrow, Woodward and Bernstein and John Simpson, SwindonLink were rightfully nominated after exposing the dark and sinister side of the open access forum known as TalkSwindon.

Click here for full story (parental supervision required for minors. Its stirring stuff)

At great personal danger (to their reputation) Swindon Link reporters successfully infiltrated the subversive web forum. Remaining undercover for many years as SwindonLinkMan,  they amassed the evidence that lead to the downfall of the “right wing, left back, centralist militant internet based think tank” .

Although the story went to press on 3rd August 2010 it was initially overlooked because the title ” Swindon Link Magazine has the truth” lead many reader to believe that the content may be religious. Once the ramifications of the story  became apparent the shock wave could be felt in central Toothill and within.

TalkSwindon, thought to be the protagonist behind the failure of a much needed communications platform for the borough, showed scant remorse in a press release stating that ” it appears that I wrongly called ‘Windmill Hill’ school ‘Millbrook’.”

In response to this unforgivable lack of contrition, SwindonLink released the following statement

“Millbrook might be one word, but you cannot underestimate the harm/insult this does in the neighbourhood and to those who’ve worked hard to create a new school, and the confusion caused if anybody were to read the thread and the subsequent commentary.”

We can only imagine the upset to the pupils of Windbrook Mill School.

Swindon Link, We Salute You.

Council Leader McBluthy has been on a quest to bring the historical stone to the town since 2010 after discovering that the Greeks were having an austerity fire sale.

He said: “I’m absolutely thrilled that the stones will be coming. I believe it will be quite symbolic for Swindon and will be an impressive landmark to celebrate my life and works for many generations to come.” He added that “this innovative and forward thinking project will act as a boost for the tourist trade and will give Swindon the national and international recognition that I crave.”

Dickie Bunt, Managing Director Of DB Developments (UK) Ltd Bermuda, talking from his Lichtenstein headquarters, said that “We are pleased to have won the closed tender process with no opposition and look forward to rebuilding the great monument to our glorious leader.  It will be a focal point for the people of Swindon that will act as a constant reminder of the Great Leaders contribution to the Borough.”

It is believed that the Stone will be transported by ship to Avonmouth where they will be transfered onto barges and delivered directly to Swindon town center via the newly opened McBluthy Swindon Borough Canal.

The news comes as the finishing touches are being added to the Great McBluthy Tabernacle Shopping Center.

Click Here for Related Story: Tabernacle Stones Lie Unused

Brendan Behan,  Irish author & dramatist (1923 – 1964), immortally once said that “There is no such thing as bad publicity except your own obituary”. Perhaps this is an exception to the rule. Or perhaps it is an Obituary of sorts.

Where’s Our Wifi? – Ask Residents Of ‘Rotten Borough’ Swindon – Geoff Reid

The Play is entitled

“The Leaders New Broadband”

Set in modern day Swindon, we see a leader, who cares for nothing but his ego and public perception, hire two unscrupulous businessmen who promise him the finest digital highway in the land that consists of  mysterious waves that are invisible to anyone who is “unfit for his position” or “just hopelessly stupid”. The Leader cannot see the mysterious waves himself nor indeed the logic of the business plan, but pretends that he can, for fear of appearing unfit for his position or idiotic; his cohorts do the same. When the  unscrupulous businessmen report that the invisible digital highway is finished, they supply the leader with a Blackberry, take the money and ‘av it away on their toes smartish.  The leader then marches in procession before his subjects to the town center. A child in the crowd calls out that he can only connect to the free MacDonalds WiFi and the cry is taken up by others who connect to Starbucks free WiFi or 3G. The Leader cringes, suspecting the assertion is true, but holds himself up proudly and continues the charade.

Praise for “The Leaders New Broadband”.

A true modern day “Tour de Force” for our generation. Genius. (The Daily Torygraph)

An excellent modern day adaptation but we are concerned that invisible mysterious waves give you cancer. (The Daily Mail)

A shocking piece of literary detritus. Do not go and see it. (The Swindon Pravdatiser)

Please feel free to add your praise in the comment section:

http://www.swindonadvertiser.co.uk/news/4521891.Swindon_s_speed_cameras_are_turned_off/

Visiting dignatory and Minister for Transport, Sir Jeremy Clarkson MP said “It’s this kind of forward thinking that puts this great nation ahead of the Johny Foreigners and I will personally see to it that Senator Greengrarse is inaugurated onto the Westminster Wall of Cool.”

Dickie Bunt, director and chairman of “Fast Forward Thinking Swindon”  announced that a £8.5M contracts had been signed with a newly formed company, D’Bunt Civil Engineering (UK) Limited Bermuda,  to “deliver the innovative new road system and ensure best value for money for the people of Swindon.”

The first stage is due to be completed in the summer and will link the Civic Campus directly to Junction 15 of the M4. Initially the Autobahn will be exclusively for the use of Senators, Cabinet members, high ranking officers and favoured business associates but could be open to the public as a toll road between the hours of 11:30pm and 6:30 am.

Stage two will link the Tadpole Lane Expressway with Penhill Drive and onto Junction 16 via the A419. The third stage will complete the ring road that will be known as “The Swindon Ring” at which point the council will apply for Grand Prix status.

When asked about the obvious safety concerns of an autobahn running through the heart of Swindon, Senator Greengrarce replied “Don’t worry, my wheels have got a role cage, four point seat belt and bullshit bars fitted. I will be perfectly safe.”

http://www.talkswindon.org/index.php?topic=3407.msg19393#msg19393

http://swindoncentric.blogspot.com/2010/06/wi-fi-contempt-for-debate-disagreement.html

Titchy bit of background info:

See It Now focused on a number of controversial issues in the 1950s, but it is best-remembered as the show that criticized McCarthyismand the Red Scare, contributing if not leading to the political downfall of Senator Joseph McCarthy.

On March 9, 1954, Murrow, Friendly, and their news team produced a half-hour See It Now special entitled “A Report on Senator Joseph McCarthy”. Murrow used excerpts from McCarthy’s own speeches and proclamations to criticize the senator and point out episodes where he had contradicted himself. Murrow knew full well that he was using the medium of television to attack a single man and expose him to nationwide scrutiny, and he was often quoted as having doubts about the methods he used for the report. Murrow and Friendly paid for their own newspaper advertisement for the program; they were not allowed to use CBS’ money for the publicity campaign or even use the CBS logo.

Nevertheless, the broadcast contributed to a nationwide backlash against McCarthy and is seen as a turning point in the history of television. It provoked tens of thousands of letters, telegrams and phone calls to CBS headquarters, running 15 to 1 in favor. In a retrospective produced for Biography, Friendly noted how truck drivers pulled up to Murrow on the street in subsequent days and shouted “Good show, Ed. Good show, Ed.”

Murrow offered McCarthy a chance to appear on See It Now to respond to the criticism. McCarthy accepted the invitation and made his appearance three weeks later, but his rebuttal only served to further decrease his already fading popularity.

In the program following McCarthy’s appearance, Murrow commented that the senator had “made no reference to any statements of fact that we made” and contested the personal attacks made by “the junior senator from Wisconsin against himse

http://swindoncentric.blogspot.com/2010/05/wi-fi-bolt-on.html